So drunk its hurt
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
