Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
