I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
