The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
