Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
