put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
