and she was petting her beer can
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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