i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
