So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Boobs speak an international language.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
