Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
