I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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