I didn't shave. On purpose
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
being pregnant is like rehab
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
