I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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