Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
