Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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