he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Text me some of your sweat
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
