I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
