I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
