Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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