I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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