She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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