he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
