guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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