I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
