Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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