Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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