You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
