And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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