Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
