If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
