If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
