i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
