I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Randomize
