just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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