I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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