I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
