I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
