Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Someone shit on the floor
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
