How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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