You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
