Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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