Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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