i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
