you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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