how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
