she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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