so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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