Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
