True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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