I met the friendliest cop last night
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
