So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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