Yo dont text me then not text me
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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