Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
