My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
