I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I need moral support for this bender
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
