gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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