at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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