so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
