guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
