help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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