dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Randomize
